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Navigating sexual intimacy with a narcissist: The pressures and anxieties when trauma bonding

Updated: Aug 29, 2023


Sexual intimacy can be an important part of any relationship, but navigating it is incredibly hard when you are in love with a narcissist and you are living a trauma bonded relationship. In this blog, we will delve into the complexities surrounding sexual intimacy with a narcissistic partner, as well as issues that arise when surviving infidelity. We will explore the anxieties and pressures that come up and ways you can navigate these difficulties.


Understanding the Issues:

When in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, anxieties and pressures around sexual intimacy are inflated because of what your partner may be showing you, reflective of narcissistic traits. Here are 5 common experiences you may have with your partner, and so it is important to recognize these and from here, protect your wellbeing and safety.


1. Shaming and Blaming:

Narcissists often experience hidden deep-seated shame but are unable (or unwilling) to process these, and often project shame onto you as their partner. This may result in you feeling "shamed" for not being "good enough in bed", that you are not "sexy enough" or that you do not "satisfy them enough". They may be blaming you and criticizing you, comparing you to others, but this leaves you feeling blamed and shamed. This can lead you to feeling pressured to engage in sexual acts you are uncomfortable with, but you do so as a way of 'rectifying' the blame. There is also a risk that this affects how you feel about your body and your worth.


2. Grandiosity and Fragile Ego:

Narcissists frequently inflate their sexual abilities, believing and suggesting that they are superior to other people. They also anticipate constant praise and admiration, and are hypersensitive to any form of criticism. Consequently, you may feel pressured to suppress your personal needs and communicate these less—all to cater to their fragile ego.


3. Neglect of Your Needs:

Narcissists prioritize their personal desires over your nicely-being, frequently dismissing your desires altogether. This reinforces in advance points, main to in addition coercion, manipulation, and a sense of emotional forget about. It turns into more and more difficult to preserve a satisfying and jointly enjoyable sex.


4. Violence and Aggression:

In some instances, narcissistic partners may show non-consented acts of aggression and violence during sex. This goes beyond consensual BDSM, but rather moves from seemingly harmless or 'accidental' acts that they introduce as an experiment, to more violent acts which can result in assault or rape.


5. Entitlement and Exploitation:

Narcissists often show excessive entitlement to sex. They may demand a high frequency of sexual activity, expecting you to meet their demands and desires regardless of your personal situation, or may have sexual contact with other people to "make amends" for their perceived dissatisfaction.


How Do You Navigate Sexual Intimacy with a Narcissist:

Given the complexities involved in sexual intimacy with a narcissistic associate, it's extremely important to prioritize your well-being and protection. Here are a few steps you may take to navigate this tough state of affairs:


1. Self-Awareness:

Take a step back and be honest with yourself regarding your own wishes and values within a relationship. Understand what really matters to you past sexual touch and become aware of elements like respect, verbal exchange, and emotional connection which might be essential for a healthy dating. From here, consider whether you experience these elements in the relationship as a whole.


2. Establish Boundaries and Communicate:

Consider your own boundaries in general first, and then clearly express your boundaries in relation to your sexual contact - noting what you accept as well as what are hard no's for you. Notice how your partner responds to your boundaries as this will give you an indicator as to how healthy this relationship can be and if it has the potential of longevity. If your partner is respectful of these boundaries, you can both meet your sexual needs equally. However if your partner pushes back or rejects these boundaries, this is an indicator that you will repeatedly encounter difficulties that can be more painful and risky.


3. Prioritize Your Safety:

During sexual intimacy, there is a level of emotional and physical vulnerability. It is crucial to safeguard your physical and emotional properly. This involves being aware of signs and symptoms of abuse, coercion, or manipulation. Seek expert help if essential, and confide in trustworthy people who can support and help you.


4. Rebuilding Self-well worth:

Recognize that your really worth and lovability aren't totally decided through your sexual overall performance. Avoid falling into the entice of searching for validation via sexual encounters or changing your self to fulfill unrealistic expectations. Embrace self-love and self-reputation as the muse for destiny relationships.


If you found this useful, please do me 2 favours. Please have a look at my free e-book here which can help you improve your relationship and heal trauma bonding. Second, please share with other people who you feel would benefit from this - because the more people supported, the better our community can survive and heal.


As always, if you ever want to connect and gain support - I'm here.

All my love, Dr Sarah



trauma bonding

self-sabotaging behaviour

improve your relationships

relationship problems

surviving infidelity






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